W.A.L.T: Write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
- Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
In Ako Ngatahi we had to write a narrative about a video. It was about a boy opening a present that was a dog with three legs. Here is the video of the present. I hope you enjoy my story.
The present
One sunny day I was gaming and my mom went home and she bought a present for me and she put the present on the table and mom said go open your present I was excited when I opened it up, it was a puppy then I saw his one leg then I threw him away and he came back and I kicked him away and he saw a red ball bang!!! He bomp on the cabin. He trying to get the ball out underneath the cabin and i watched the dog was having fun playing with the red ball and the ball went on my foot so i grab the ball and went outside and we play threw the ball the end
Hi Jolly my friend! I like your blog post called the "Present".
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your blog post there's some mistakes that you put like "I saw his one leg". And your blog sentences is too short but I like your blog post keep up the good work Jolly!
Hi jolly this is Sofia i really like what you made your story about Present. when i read it i see something that i really don't now what it mean' like when you said that you saw his one leg then i threw him away. i really don't now that you said but when i read it i thought you said you threw you bog away. yeah i thought that what you mean and good job jolly.
ReplyDeleteJolly-Rose, you have retold most of the story and overall your spelling was good. Remember to correct basic spelling errors such as 'I' and 'mum'. You could have described the characters more. You didn't tell us important things like that the boy is missing part of his leg too. Keep trying hard with your writing.
ReplyDelete